233. Is feeling living?

Sometimes in life we are faced with situations where we can see how certain things could have been prevented. And this point comes in where its like “I could have done more”, “what could I have done so this did not happen, or what can I do to fix this now”. Well obviously prevention is the best option but when we are dealing with other beings in this world it can get complicated quickly. So how can we exercise prevention within our lives in such a way that can translate into another’s life.

I am facing such a moment in my life now where another in my world is facing some quite serious issues. I want to help, I want to be there for him, but somewhere I can see that perhaps the time for prevention is past. This brings up some feelings of guilt, like why could I not be heard, how did I live my life in those times where my credibility as a person was stunted within this others eyes to the point where I could not be trusted. How have I define my entire life in such a way as to be living within a state of just feeling, trained in that formatting of perceiving the world and in such just totally fucked some opportunities to really reach out and connect with the other people in my life and this person.

On the other hand, it is not my responsibility to make another beings choices in life and in that I can look back and say in honesty that I have done what I can do within the capacity of who I was at the time. Now its like where I stand now its a point of viewing myself as being to late to make a difference in his life.

So yes it goes to show how just living life in and as feelings and emotions really can have real effects on the way that we move throughout life, I notice that we as beings tend to view them as being harmless or something that only us as individuals go through. But as life moves, I personally cam see how in so many instances in my life I have missed the moment of opportunity in life where I was able to fully express myself to the people in my world and just be in this world as a expressive being in general. It goes to show that when we as beings tend to hold ourselves back within feelings then the opportunity to really make a difference in one persons life is given up for that feeling or not even notice that something may need our attention because we are to busy feeling exalted about ourselves, high on energy, or low and out in depression, either way totally absolved within our own importance, and missing out on what is actually taking place and take action within that where it is needed.

From another perspective it is evident of the harm we are able to cast onto ourselves which is obvious within my own life and experiences within skateboarding and how that has been an through and through chasing of a feeling experience, where I disregard my physical body in for a temporary high, and now only within the face of an injury have I been forced/clear enough to recognize that point. So it is understandable how this being has reached this point within his life, where he continued down a particular road of behavior until he has literally been forced to stop and confront himself. That is like this process really where if we do not stop of our out volition then in death we face ourselves and everything that we have allowed within us.

Prevention is the key to this mess in the world. I see how the process within oneself is that important where each one stopping the belief in the illusions of the mind can make a small difference in this and from there we can collectively come to decisions together and create a world of preventative insight, where no-one has to have their lives cut short, or quality of life impeded because they just where uninformed, scared, rushed to support others, worried about money in anyway, and instead take value in informing ourselves about what really is best for us and not just making decisions based within a feeling or desire, and in fact understand ourselves to see what desire really represents within us in self honesty. I see that it will take time to get there and that this may mean that in that mean time I may lose some within my world that I have placed as being pivotal within my life, but I can also see how placing anyone one a position of grandeur is really just looking for a feeling, believing those feelings to be unique and special, convinced that they are actually life and what I truly want. The actual realization here is to place myself in such a position where I can actually see and realize all as equal and one, which includes myself, understanding that until I am able to do that I will always be looking to hide myself within my feelings for others and my interdependence with only a few rather then all.

OK I will go to there for now, and write some self forgiveness on this point tomorrow. Thanks.

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