238. Family reactions.

I will continue with the last post later I am just going to write some self forgiveness about my evening here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get upset and taken a back by what I heard another being saying after dinner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed and embarrassed be sitting at the table.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my own self righteousness to come up in the moment in making myself feel that what I was thinking in that moment was right.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dismiss this other being within myself as talking nonsense verbal diarrhea.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself allow myself to become angry within myself for not knowing what or how to actually interact in that moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself within my choice to remain silent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be swept up within the discussion/argument so as within myself I was jumping from each persons points weighing them out against my own internal point of view.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe in each moment and ensuring that I was clear throughout the evening.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just sort of give up at one point wherein I basically choose to stop interacting with the beings who where in discussion, because I was viewing them to be childish.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel superior to the other beings at the dinner because I was not partaking in “childish” fights.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the topics of discussion as being pointless and having no real practical value within providing solutions for anything that was being discussed, and in doing so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the role was there up in the air for myself to participate within but instead standing within that point of judgment and closing myself off from providing any real concrete support for anyone there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for missing a opportunity to speak and share the way that I have come to see things in how they really operate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand as that point of missing support which was directed at/towards a particular being within anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand apart from this other being and judge the behavior as being “typical”, and therefore not being worthy of my attention or focus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in fact not let myself see anything from within the other beings shoes, where particular life events and structures could be influencing the way that they choose to express themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for they other being and within that close of the ability to effectively communicate my own self expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into a sense of comfort when I am not actually speaking or interacting with other beings where I am actually just most comfortable when I do not have to share the things that I have learned. Or what I can see is the common sense point within the discussion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beat myself up for stopping my participation within this event, and instead of being able to simply flag point the things that came up and see what is pertinent to look at for next time, what are the areas in which I can see myself expanding within and how I could learn more about myself instead of just judging myself as never being able to figure that out, rather then seeing how it is something that I have not figured out yet.

When and as I see myself becoming upset, ashamed and embarrassed by something someone within my family says I stop and breathe and realize that I am not actually responsible for what another being is saying.

I commit myself to not take what is being said personally and to see how this would be something that the other being will have to walk for themselves whether here in this life or the life there after, and therefore do not need to always take a personal vendetta against everything that is said to me that does not fit within and as the principle of equality and oneness.

I commit myself to see how though conversely I am capable of stopping my own reactions and remaining clear in breathe in each moment and that those types of reactions will highlight points within myself where I am still emotionally attaching myself to something that is being said, and preventing myself from actually allowing myself to stand from within a point of stability.

I commit myself to stop taking things that my family says so personally where I give the things that they say as being more important “to be fixed” then rather a stranger for example where I would not actually look into very much.

When and as I see myself becoming self righteous within my approach where I see my point of view as being right and what other beings are saying as being verbal diarrhea, I stop myself and breathe and actually realize that not so long ago I was the one that was spewing out the diarrhea on a more constant and consistent basis then anyone else.

I commit myself to allow others to go through there own processes instead of judgment them for where they are at, and realizing that I am now in a better position to share my point of view through my own experiences within verbal diarrhea and interacting with others.

When and as I see myself becoming angry within myself for not knowing exactly how to interact I stop and breathe, realizing that this is something that will come in time with practice and that in the meantime it is important to stop and sort of self judgments that arise from where I stand within my process.

I commit myself to stop getting angry and frustrated with myself for not exactly knowing how to deal within a particular situation with how to address my family within a debate/argument.

When and as I see myself standing outside of myself where I do not trust myself when I am not taking a active role in the discussion, I stop and breathe, seeing that where in the past it would centrally be me doing the arguing and debating, that now it seems so unnatural for me to step back from the action and pay attention to my own internal experience instead.

I commit myself to trust myself within silence, and realize that if there is a point that I see is relevant to speak about, then it will come through into expression, but if I can see that I am not required to speak or there is a desire to speak from the point of wanting to grab the central focus/energy of the conversation then this is only just a mind projection, where I only want more for myself as ego.

When and as I see myself becoming swept up within a argument in which I start to flip back and forth against the different points being postulated, because they do or do not fit in with my own world view I stop myself and breathe and realize what is actual happening is that

I commit myself to stop comparing points within a argument against my own internal ideologies about what I have built up as my idea about the universe within knowledge and information and instead look at what is being said from a practical point of view, and from within a principled starting point of what is best for all as one as equal in every instance, looking for the best option of how to handle as situation from those principles rather then opinion or perspective.

When and as I see myself existing within a fogginess within myself within a gathering I stop myself and breathe and realize that most of the time the point to consider within any discussion is, am I clear?

I commit myself to put more emphasis of remaining clear within my moment to moment living, and see the importance that this simple point has when interacting within situations where there can be some conflict and contradictions.

I commit myself to work within the point of breathe and remaining clear within myself when interacting with other beings in discussions.

When and as I see myself giving up on those around me because I have judged the conversation as being pointless, childish, argumentative, and not relevant to real solutions, I stop myself and breathe and stop the requirement of having a systematic view of the quality of conversations where there are some topics that will generate particular positive, and negative experiences.

I commit myself to stop judging my interactions with others on a polarity scale of value where I see only particular topics and lines of conversation as being enjoyable.

I commit myself to realize that within this point brings up a whole other set of underlying things, like using this process as another way to obtain, intensify energy within myself, to gain respect, and not really understanding that within the conversations that I have that stability of self is the main and only way really, to realize if I am here, or if I am off somewhere within a experience/projection.

When and as I see myself judging myself for supposedly missing a opportunity to share wherein the reasoning within myself for abstaining support actually has its starting point within anger, I stop and breathe, and see how this is really a silly point to work with in myself because it is like I am punishing myself for not telling myself what I need to know so as to to stop punishing myself.

I commit myself to share what I am able to without holding back on what I can do because I am acting and a behaving within a point of anger only.

I commit myself to instead interact with the utmost of my capability knowing that within this it benefits all that will accept hearing, them for different perspective, and for myself in practicing speaking and reinforcing what I am walking for myself.

When and as I see myself not allowing myself to see things from within another beings point of view within this world I stop myself and breathe and realize that there are many different circumstance that may have arisen for a being to come to a particular placement within there lives and that this is a explanation of what they are the way they are without being a excuse for the behavior.

I commit myself to be able to understand that certain life events have the ability to create a particular life path for being and that within this it is actually only a excuse up until the point of understanding and awareness of this way of self directed living, and from there and within I commit myself to stop feeling sorry for this type of behavior and actually placing it as a way to stop myself in becoming a actual pillar of support throughout my world in society.

I commit myself to see how feeling sorry for people that are creating problems for themselves are actually and not allowing myself to express myself fully I actually close off the ability to effectively communicate ideas within and toward the other being about what is practical, common sense, and relevant.

When and as I see myself becoming to comfortable within my process where I feel like all I really need is to work on myself and focus on my process, I stop myself and breathe and snap myself out of that illusion where I see that I am able to become more effective when I am able to communicate with others and not just store away everything in self separation.

I commit myself to push myself through my comfort zone and just participate in waters that I would normally judge as being to difficult or not relevant to me.

I commit myself to see that most problems are similar in structure which makes most of my personal points are shared within society so anything can be shared and use to flag point my success’s within my process, so it is pertinent to share when it is truly relevant.

I commit myself to flag point all of the reactions and fears that come up when facing points like this in the future where I do not accept myself in what is coming up, and instead of falling into self judgment I commit myself to just look at what I can practically change about myself where I can minimize or utilize a trait within myself.

I commit myself to stop the self judgment where I view myself and not being capable of figuring myself out instead of just simply seeing how I have not figure myself out completely.…Yet.

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