239. Everything is comparison. Sc

So when and as I see myself becoming triggered by other beings within the realm of skateboarding to the point where I notice that I am still wanting to be something more within myself, where I want to be better then what I am/see myself to be in this moment, I stop myself and breathe and see how this is really only a design that I have created where I desire some kind of greatness and power, through becoming skill within skateboarding.

I commit myself to stop the desire for wanting to be something more, and using skateboarding as that vessel to carry those feelings of power and greatness along.

I commit myself to realize that when I see myself becoming triggered by other beings who are in the skater lifestyle I do not have to react in jealousy and that this is really only a system of self judgment where I see within myself that all I want is to be respected from others.

I commit myself to see how true respect can only come from within, and that anything that is based within and as a point of external validation is really a illusion where I feed off of something someone else is telling me.

I commit myself to realize that when looking in admiration towards others I may in fact be feeding systems within them, and not really understanding that to really respect someone in this world I would need to understand and implement self respect in trusting myself always to do that which is best for all. And in doing that I will always express the actuality of a situation based on common sense perspectives rather then empty talk and verbal diarrhea ego building banter.

When and as I see myself believing still that I am “supposed” to make a difference within the skateboarding world, I stop myself and breathe and realize that this is a proposition that I have made within myself and that it is not actually real, and that it is simply a point of self interest where I want to be seen and recognize within my world for some kind of accomplishment.

I commit myself to stop the belief that I am supposed to do something instead of being here within breathe, which is really the only real indication that I am doing what is actually a act of self expression.

I commit myself to realize that chasing a dream of becoming a name within the skate world is actually a mental projection.

I commit myself to see how this is a limited vision of myself where I am creating this one perspective of who I could be based within the starting point of personal self interest and a desire to be cool within a group of “hardcore” human beings.

I commit myself to realize how skating really has never been much about self expression for myself even though I personally have bought into the paradigm that skateboarding teaches self expression, seeing how within my personal case there has always been a desire to be recognize within this world of skateboarding.

I commit myself to see how there is aspects within skateboarding that ARE beneficial but as that particular sector of sports stands, it is born into and as a system of rebellion, angst, and self destruction for many beings, myself included so seeing how the aspects where a being, or young child could actually benefit within skateboarding as something they could learn self building traits from currently is suppressed within a overlay of wanting to look cool to your peers, and who is the biggest daredevil/baddass.

I commit myself within myself to first see that systemic problem within skateboarding and realize that if I do actually want to make a impact in the area of the world than I would actually have to stop first all of my personal desire to be a part of the currently existent establishment of skateboarding, leaving behind all desire to be cool within it and learn for the first time how skating can be a simple point of enjoyment for me within breathe.

When and as I see myself comparing myself within the experiences that I have had in the past and viewing myself in the present moment against a platform of excitement where skateboarding is placed above actual reality, and reality is then downgraded to a position of being boring, I stop myself and breathe and realize that the viewpoint of holding skateboarding in a position of being great or exciting is really only taking place and being generated within my mind.

I commit myself to stop giving into the idea that the energetic experiences that are generated are in fact real and remember that what is actually real is what is here in the physical, and that those experiences of skateboarding being better then anything else is in fact a illusion in which I form a addiction based relationship within the activity.

I commit myself to stop comparing my current experience of myself with the past energetic memories that I have had, and seeing how this is only a way that I have generated within myself to constantly be at/within a struggle to see life as one and equal to myself.

I commit myself to see how I have placed skateboarding in and as the ultimate experience for myself to be within/as and that everything else becomes a mere comparison against the platform that I have placed the experience of skateboarding on/within.

When and as I see myself becoming trigger by other beings that have established themselves within the skate industry, I stop myself and breathe and realize that what is really happening is that I have placed that particular experience of having a skate lifestyle above and more valuable then my current expression of myself within my day to day life.

I commit myself to admit to the point that what I am really experiencing when I look up to beings within the skate industry is jealousy of that particular life style because I have defined skateboarding to be the utmost level of what it means to be cool.

I commit myself to stop the idea and belief within myself that to be really acceptable to myself and within others eyes I have to become talented within the skateboarding world.

I commit myself to see how skateboarding has become almost a point of desperation for me as it has been the most prominent activity that I have spent the majority of my time following/pursuing.

I commit myself to realize that skateboarding does not have to be my primary goal in what it means to be a cool person within this world, and actually let go of that idea.

I commit myself to the redefinition of what cool actually is in seeing how something that is actually cool would mean something that can be and should be able to benefit all and not mearly just my own sense of personal self image and self definition, within how I feel and how I view myself on the scale of social acceptance.

I commit myself to realign myself within the actuality of that definition of cool where I behave and move myself to be “cool” from the perspective of becoming the best possible expression of myself here in each moment.

I commit myself to see how this takes into account the principles of equality and oneness, where I see that there is actually no valid point to be made in which one thing or hobby is cooler then the next thing.

I commit myself to stop defining myself within the activities that I choose to do and instead base myself within and as the ability of myself to be aware of myself within breathe in each moment.

I commit myself to stop defining cool as something that holds onto the requirement of being dangerous, and stimulating excitement within that danger, and realizing that my definition of what is cool has only ever really been within that basis of stimulation of energy as/within that danger.

I commit myself to remove the belief and institution of value that I have given to skateboarding as the end all to be all of activities that I can do because of the level of danger, time and skill that is require to become proficient within it, and realize that in actuality skateboarding from that perspective for me has only ever been the product of a series of feelings and emotions, and has NEVER actually been a form of true self expression.

I commit myself to make a choice when I step on a skateboard wherein I choose to make the activity only about getting better and fulfilling a MISSON that I set within myself to live up to the comparisons that I have made with other beings within the industry and trying to achieve some of the glory that I suppose others to be experiencing.

I commit myself to give skateboarding a chance to actually become a simple point of self enjoyment, self movement, and self expression where I do not place the emphasis on getting better but within placement of just simply enjoying my time here in that moment regardless of what I am doing or who’s company I am in.

When and as I see myself becoming possessed within the idea/belief of always having to push myself physically to “catch up” with the other beings out there, and in such creating a whole systems of neurotic self judgment and comparison with others, and in doing so constantly dismiss and degrade myself within how I am capable of experiencing myself.

I commit myself to realize that there is no actual catching up that can be done and that this is only another projection of where I see that I should be within my life within skateboarding.

When and as I see myself have broken down my relationship within skateboarding as one that is solely a psychological one where I constantly judge and compare myself with myself and others in where I should be, rather then looking at and realizing skateboarding as the physical activity that it is, I stop myself and breathe, seeing how in this structure I have removed myself from the actual reality of seeing skateboarding as something that should be approached with caution and respect from the perspective of using caution as a physically demanding and dangerous activity.

I commit myself to always consider my starting point within and as I make a choice to skateboard and in that realize that within a clear starting point I will make the choice whether or not I am accepting irrational risks for the sake of a temporary emotional high.

I commit myself thus see the plain indication where/when I make skateboarding only about a desire to be more then what I am in a direct comparison to and with other beings within my world, and commit myself to the view and understanding that what I am creating is a extremely limited experience within myself where skating is the primary thing that occupies my life.

I commit myself to stop disregarding the potential of my self expression that I am able to bring to any activities or path that I choose to partake in and in that realize that the comparisons that I make towards others are actually the fuel for this limited self view.

I commit myself to stand within the understanding that all moments are actually one and the same within value and that in the definition that skateboarding is superior I create my limited self/world view which is actually unacceptable because it blinds me from the actuality of the world around me and the potential solutions that are all around me.

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