246. Giving up myself, fore-sake-in happiness.

So here I would like to just continue writing a bit about happiness.

I have kind of come off track within the past week with the move and such but I have noticed something within in it that has really opened up some new perspectives about happiness.

It’s interesting that within my current situation I have noticed how all these little things that I view my world as being important are really quite irrelevant and inconsequential.

Materialism for instance is something that I have taken note of, I can see how all these conditions of self are all based within and towards having all this stuff that supposedly make my experience of myself better. The thing is though what are these things actually representing within me? I notice how within each case, within each thing that I really desire lies a point of belief that somehow I will be better of with this item or thing in my life. I create all this fuss in my world where I am facing this sense of identity around a object or product that I belief is going to make it all OK when in fact all that is happening is that I am creating a scenario of none acceptance of myself. I am placing my validity of self outside of me, in these material object, giving my sense of self over and onto the physical world as products to the point where I do not actually see the physical object for what they are as myself as the physical and instead lay a layer of dependency over them by making them a condition for my own personal happiness. I am giving up myself here in/as the physical existence for a feeling of happiness that is generated by the condition of having something.

I see that this is the ultimate form of none acceptance of self, where I think that I am something less then my potential not from the point of being satisfied with myself as self movement within my world but merely what objects can do for me. I define myself by and within what I am capable of doing within the prerequisite of how much money I am able to utilize, and not actually see what is the real point and purpose of obtaining money within my world. Which is to actually make something of the money that will benefit all and not merely my own feelings of contentment.

Am I really going to feel safe and secure if I have all this stuff? How will having all these objects going to protect me from what is to come if I do not stabilize myself? What seems to be the fundamental point within this system is that I look to hide within the possessions, I look to make life about things and how those things make me feel about my experiences here rather than actually being here with myself and standing here as myself. I can see how this is a main point within how all of us conduct ourselves in this world where we all are looking for that thing that will distract us for the next little bit of time. We hide behind our things for the sake of happiness, until that thing cannot generate that feeling any longer with the require amount of distraction. This apply to everything, entertainment (movies, games, sports, even particular books), things (skateboards, computers, furniture, cooking equipment), other beings (pets, spouses, friends), even food. All of this really I can see is just a stand in for realizing myself in all cases, I give up who I really am in all moments of breathe for the distraction that something new brings. Now not to rag on the usefulness that innovative and enjoyable new things can provide and how certain inventions and object can bring ease to our lives and save time, but I can see how within my own life how this has overlapped the simplicity of this platform of what is useful and productive into the arena of things that are purely just for generating a limited experience of making oneself happy and contented. It placates me into a state of really not moving myself past that feeling. To the degree that I forget and frankly do not give much of a damn about what else is going on out there. I forget about the rest of the world because I have what is going to make me personally happy and contented. For a time that is until that object just does not do it for me anymore. So where in this lies the solution?

It makes sense that the real point to see is to move my/oneself out of look at objects and things from the perspective of what can this thing do for me and how does it make me feel, to one of looking at the larger picture in how can I use the resources within my grasp to improve the situation here on earth for everyone? How does the way that I choose to spend my time and money in my life to actually place myself as a vector for real change, and from there coming to a conclusion of what is common sense in the things I buy and the areas where I choose to give my attention to. (watching a stand up may make me happy for a short time, but how will that improve life conditions for all those that do not even have a TV or access to internet?)

So I can see that improving my situation and stabilizing myself financially also is a point to consider and take seriously. And not to deny making myself available to create opportunity for myself to explore and expand myself, but this really has nothing to do with getting happiness, or filling up my life with things for that purpose, but really looking at what is going to allow me to be satisfied with how I am conducting myself in my world. Am I using whats available to me to live a productive life, and living up to my true potential and making practical use of what I am able to obtain and bring into my world or am I just looking to hide behind this things and forsaking myself in the process of accumulation?

I see how I should be able to stop the squandering of the physical world around me to make myself happy and instead utilize the unique position that I have been born into and fully move myself into the real true potential of myself, seeing only what is really important to make the change from life as possessions within possession, to practical use of resources to bring about a world best for all.

OK I will walk through this point in self forgiveness and self correction in the next posts to come.

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