So here I want to open up on a point that generally effect me every day.
I definitely still have been defined within myself by a systematic structure of beauty. I realize that how I look at one being is not how I would look at the next. I place value within image still even though I would say that image does not matter. When it comes down to the point of attraction it does. It is interesting to note that within myself there are particular structures/conditions/images that make up the definition for these different words, (cute, sexy, beautiful, hot) and like in my mind they are not only about the outward appearance, and how it ties in within particular personalities that I see/interact with. But the part that is interesting is how I have made all this up within my mind. Like am I imagining it. Well on one level yes, I am imagining it, but on another level it comes back down to that awesome lovely social programming where I am bombarded by all this media and advertisements all over the place. I have heard the argument that instinctively we as males look/pick up on all sorts of unconscious cues when it comes to women, but that would just make me a product of instinct without actually taking accountability or directive ability within how I choose to view other beings. This point of social programming is in actually my acceptance and allowing of it, and not being self honest within how I walk with other beings within this world.
So back to how this plays itself out within my day to day living, when I go out into the world, on the bus, to the store, wherever, when I enter a new area I tend to notice the beings that I would consider attractive first. And something that I have been noticing lately is that I rarely if ever take notice of the other majority of beings within my radius of awareness. This is not cool and is something that I would like to sort out, and realize that this particular system is at the root of a lot of other points within me. Like how I interact with women, or how I treat a person based on first impressions for example.
So what would be the most prominent thing within this is how I give certain physical traits precedence over others, I have let it be known within me from a young age that there are certain parts of the female body are more private then others, when really its just all different bits of flesh one no more special then the next. But how it currently stands I see that I have a frighteningly precise measure of comparison between females bodies where I can look at two different girls in a moment and instantly within my mind find a “ranking” of how attractive they are based within my own personal taste and preference.
I notice that I have a definition/picture that is built into my mind consciousness system for all of the above words for girls, as well as other words, I could go into detail here but the main point of this post is about the system of classification itself.
So why do I do this? I mean all that I just wrote is pretty obvious. The action that is taken is almost like a compulsion. Where I have to like force myself to not just look around and seek out the beings that I classify in some way, for me to not just do this automatically.
I mean its not like it is a serious problem, like a obsession to the point where I cannot stop myself or look away, but I mean it comes up automatically when I am around/in groups of people (at the beach is a good example). I suppose it really just represents more energy within the mind where I am activating and charging those points within my mind, and as I can see from within the beach example, it is the generation of energy through a series of classification of female body parts where I have made specific parts some big thing within me so when I see them I react energetically. Pretty simple I suppose. I guess where it gets more complex is where I bring in my own self image and start to feel entitled to look at girls in that way, or that girls want me to look at them that way. I get a fair bit of attention, so I see that the roles can be reversed as well so I have subconsciously placed myself high on the rank of attractiveness towards females, I mean as a child I did not really look at these things like this but all these adults and peers as I grew kept telling me how “good looking” I am, so I suppose it stuck around in there in some respect, swelling my head, but at the same time I have never really been completely comfortable with having others look at me that way, it was and still is some amount of pressure, and I grew isolated within myself actually, nervous and self conscious about my image. So I can see how this applys to both sexes the point of classifying beings by the pictures they present rather then the realization that all life is equal and one.
So I supposed the first step within this would be to break down the idea within me that certain body parts are more noteworthy then others and within that realizing the point where I have created this classification/ranking system within me and finding out what specifically are the points in which I hold as criteria for the classification of women’s bodies. And men’s for that matter.
So I will pick this up again tomorrow with that point.