So I am facing a point where I find it hard to tell another being that I do not want to continue along a particular path.
This has been a recurrent theme within my life. This point has to do with walking a path that I do not necessarily see how inline this path is within the principles that I have started walking within the Desteni material.
I am facing a lot of friction within this and am very ambivalent on the subject since I have in the past had a strong propensity in not finishing what I have started.
In this point I notice within myself the desire to just have it go away, just ignore it and ignore those involved. Because I am unsure of where this is going or what it is they truly stand for.
Now the interesting point within this is it really only is highlighting my own indecision. It is really just showing how mixed up I am. I do not know where I am going with my life, I do not know what it is that I truly stand for yet. I can see common sense within the message of Desteni. I can hear what others within the group are saying, and see the space for me to take those principles in as my own… but have yet to do so in full. So what I do with other people is really just overlay that uncertainty on top of them. I am doing this with mostly everyone. Where I have nothing to say because I am not yet stable and committed within myself to stand behind the principles no matter what.
So yes the point here is to become clear and focused within myself about what I am doing, and not being afraid to stand up within that in ANY situation. I must become a being of integrity who knows what equality and oneness actually looks like practically. Right now, all I have is a green screen of guilt that backdrops all of my interactions with others. Where I feel like if I burst their bubble about what is real that I will not be liked or accepted by those people. Why do I care about that? Just because I do not accept me as the being I know that I am now. Just because in my mind I do not want to actually give up my procrastination of separation. That’s ridiculous. I should be able to stand, just breathe, and stand within understanding of where the world is at and instead of blaming worrying about where “they” are, find out where I really am.
Its difficult for me sometimes to see beyond these guilt tinted glasses, but that’s my choice of if I am going to wear them or not.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into uncertainty about others based within a point of fear within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how this fear is actually a fear of facing my own uncertainties within my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become clear within my about the most practical options for what I should be involved within my life, and within this constantly make decisions that are rooted within feelings rather then a clear understanding of common sense principles.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always build a situation up and beyond what it is by worrying about letting other beings down, and what will happen when I let them down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the emphasis always on what others stand for and what their plans/values are rather then my own.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to find my own footing within my life where I actually can find out what my actual potential is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing others reactions to me walking to influence my walking and place doubt within myself about where I am going and if I will be accepted in where I am going.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the point to focus on is self acceptance rather then being accepted by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard my own self acceptance to the point where I become afraid of actually voicing what I see, and why I see something to make sense or not.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not yet realize that I do not trust myself to voice myself yet is because within me I do not actually accept the principles as a actual self realization.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk myself out of the mind to a point of actually trusting myself to stand and voice myself in all situations.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that this is why my life is so chaotic within my own mind because I am not yet taking the initiative to walk through the fear of being judged or rejected by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not yet realize that this is really about a point of having low self worth where I have not in the past trusted myself enough to stand within a stable position, and this carried over into and as my starting point within the Desteni principles.
I will continue with this point in the next post.