So I just wanted to touch on something that I realized while talking within another being at work the other day. I was talking within another being and this person was talking to me about how one of the tenants that lived in the building was dying of cancer.
What I noticed within that moment was how I reacted within a point of not really giving to much “caring” towards the being that was dying. How I have come to view disease within myself is through my own personal experiences where both of my parents are facing some life threatening diseases. How I have come to see this is where I can see that the problems that my parents are facing are actually resultant, and of consequences of their personal choices in life. I have spent much time within my life worrying about them and fearing losing them. But something that I noticed when talking to my coworker about this other being was how when I asked her why she was so bothered by the prospect of this being dying from consequences of this beings choices she mentioned that it was because she had known him for so long.
It got me considering why it is that we care so much about particular beings fates more then others in this world. I realized within that how we all carry around these signatures in and as the personalities that we have created, and within that we as the observers within our lives see these signatures and become attuned to them within ourselves. We start to accept other beings signatures as a set of specific feelings and emotions within us, and form personal attachments to those specific signatures. Now, within that it made sense to me that this is really only all illusions, it allowed me to see how I still do this all the time, I still am placing some beings signature above and beyond others, which is kind of bogus since this is all points created in relation to mind personalities of others beings. It also allowed me to see how I still am putting forth my own signature for others to take hold of. I stand as this “Alex” signature within and as other beings, I noticed that this is almost like a reliance, or requirement within myself where I have to fulfill this persona for others so they can “care” about me. So I can create this idea of a person that can be liked, stand out, and be remembered.
Now. Whats the point within this? I mean something that I have learned from within my own relationships with my parents and friends is that if we do not stand for anything in particular, and we are just creating these signatures for for others to see and hold as “us” within our minds, what is this? I can see that this actually leads no where, since all we have is a idea about others, process through our own filters. It really does not revel anything tangible about a being. It only shows the mind.
So where within this all lies the common sense point? I mean if all I am is a signature, what does that actually say about me in terms of practical change and solutions in this world? Nothing. I see that there is really a emphasis on this “signature” of others rather then anything that would involve reality. We seem to associate this signature with life, when it really has nothing to do with that. So the common sense solution is to realign oneself with the basics fundamentals. What is life? Where does the physical reality around oneself actually come into play when we talk about who we really are? How does the way that I behave, and conduct myself lend to the actuality of the situations and choices that I make? Often we get lost within other peoples signature based solely in how they make us feel, when really this has nothing really to do with how one actually experiences oneself on a daily basis, and interacts with physical life. This is something that I am currently just starting to understand and be able to see myself within. Its difficult to break free since I have been so convinced within me that all this crap is me, that I am the signature that is “Alex” when really what that signature says about me is only a extremely limited portion of who I could actually be and stand as in alignment with life.
Who could I be if I was not me as my signature? Who could I paint myself to be as a blank canvas?
So I have to ask myself. Am I just this signature that I have learned to sign my whole life? Or could I be something else? Can I authenticate myself authentically as life?