277. Hiding from myself.

So here I will go into further detail about why I hide myself from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself from me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide me because then I do not have to take action within my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself from myself because I do not wish to change myself from what is familiar.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself from myself because then I can use the excuse that I do not know what to do and place myself behind a cloak of uncertainty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base the idea of who I am as the things that are familiar to me and thus fear stepping to far outside of what I have been all along instead of stepping into the unknown and working on moving myself in a dynamic way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my fear or facing myself, limit my ability to be self expressive and self honest/ self-determined.

I forgive myself for accepting myself to exist in and as the shame that the past events that I have participated to the point where I allow this shame to stunt my action in facing those events, and instead look to just hide myself away from those event/habits suppressing and avoiding them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am incapable of effectively dealing with my shame and then push it into a superior position to myself, making it difficult for me to stand up to my own creations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the simple point that I am creating, accepting and allowing my actions/habits/thoughts/patterns/emotions through my participation in the energetic allure of them when they arise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only believe that I am the past events that have happened to me, and thus leave no room for myself to see myself as anything other than a reflection of the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self-hatred, to blind me from possible solutions, and look for short-term fixes to my shame, rather than find a sustainable solution in living an accountable life within the action of walking my process for myself and looking deeper within me to deal with my points rather than ignoring them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pity myself where I sit in a pool of my own self importance and give value to the idea that I am special in my pain in some way, not ever stopping to realize how this is really just another creation/trap that I set and imagine within my own mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spiral down into depression through the self confirmed decision of “poor me, I am the victim here”, not stopping to realize that this is a decision that I created this and then hold myself to and consequently hide myself from.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to yet realize the role of action within my life where I am constantly and consistently faced with all of the opportunities that I need to grow and place my myself but instead hold myself back because of the way that I view myself and conduct myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I am fake because I have not fully figure myself out yet and for letting this feeling of being fake determine my motivation within my process, where for example I don’t do not see myself being effective and when faced with doing an assignment or writing then I carry that into those points as well. Instead of just writing despite the position that I currently occupy within my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not have what it takes to walk this process because of my mental capabilities when this is really determined within the level of effort I am willing to place into my process and not with my ability to cognate information since my process is unique to my situation and pre programming so I am capable of the cognition that got me here and within that am capable of getting myself out.

Ok I will stop here for the evening and pick this up again tomorrow.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s